December 20, 2010

Stoner Guide to Buying Eyedrops: Rhoto V, Irie Eyes, Clear Eyes etc.

We've all been there. Right after smoking a big bowl, blunt, or vaporizer bag we realize we have to go into the public, but our eyes are too red. Walking around with red eyes is a dead giveaway. Everybody knows that someone with bloodshot eyes is a stoner, or maybe a crying girlfriend, but probably a stoner.

The question is which eye drops should you buy, and from where. The where is easy. It's best if you go to a gas station. They have the smallest number of people. And they always have clear eyes, which is perhaps the best brand of eye drops. But if you want to make things a little more complicated, there are a number of of other brands that you can buy online and from grocery stores.

1. Rhoto V:
This is the most popular brand of eye drops among stoners. Rhoto V is like an avalanche for your eyes. If your eyes are sensitive these might be too much for you. The first time I used them I was afraid it had acid in it and I would subsequently be blind. That's probably because I was stoned but it's a pretty intense experience. They work really well too.

2. Visine: Visine is a large brand, but in the opinion of most stoners they are the worst eye drops available. If you attempt to use Visine to get you out of "red eye trouble", it will most likely fail you. Visine not only fails to clear the red from your eyes, but it will cause your eyes to glaze. Whoever sees you will probably think you're on meth.

3. Irie Eyes:
This is a brand of eye drops that is specifically marketed to stoners. They come in a Rastafarian colored package. If you want to buy these you'll most likely have to do it online. These work well and add a bit of style to eye drop needs. Check them out at

4. Clear Eyes: Clear eyes really do give you very clear eyes. This is the one brand that absolutely never fails. Your eyes will be so white people will think you're Jesus. Sometimes Clear Eyes works too well, no one naturally has perfectly white eyes after all. This is the brand I would recommend.

5. Generic Brands:
Generic brand eyedrops from grocery stores are always a risk. If you're going to buy these remember they copy the ingredient of whatever brand they are trying to emulate. So if they say "compare to Visine" it'll probably work like Visine, which means not at all. If you buy generic get the one's that say, "compare to Clear Eyes".

6. Other Brands: There are a lot of much smaller brands of eye drops you can try. Some are made for people who have tear duct malfunctions and some for people with contacts. You have to be careful because they don't all provide redness relief. If you go out and buy a specialty brand make sure it works before you test it in public.


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