November 23, 2010

Noob Stoner Mistakes

1. Can't light the bowl and smoke it at the same time.

I've smoked with plenty of noob stoners in my day, so I've become a pro at lighting bowls for people. Some newbies don't have the hand, eye, and lung coordination. Don't feel bad if you need help. It's better that then you burn your eyebrows off.

2. Doesn't breathe smoke into lungs.

It's hilarious to watch a noob stoner take a big mouthful of smoke and then release it a big cloud. Let me say it here, "If the smoke doesn't go into your lungs and stay there you won't get high, no matter what."

3. Burns Weed.

For some reason I see this all the time. Though I remember when I first started smoking weed I wasn't sure how I was supposed to light it and then keep it at a good level so it would stay smoking. That might be why some people leave the flame on the weed like they're starting a fire. When really they're just burning up your pot.

4. Gets too high.
Every now and then you'll accidentally smoke with one of these guys, and you'll have to watch their depressing and hilarious break down. A friend of mine got so high he stared trying to explain to us that he was melting. Then he gave of a list of directions for if we had to take his dead body back to his sisters house. Too funny.

5. They have no idea how to use a Bong.

The first time I was offered a bong I was in a hot coworkers apartment after we'd just gotten of work. I don't want to say where we worked, but let's just say they're the McDonalds of the coffee world. Everyone there smokes pot, everyone. I took the bong and asked "What does it do?"

Photos from zztopblue on flickr


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