May 13, 2010

President Obama's Bong is Missing


White House security personnel admit that they are unable to locate President Barack Obama's $1,200.00 Roor Custom Little Sista Icemaster 7.0 Bong that appears to have been stolen from his dresser in his bedroom and they have few clues as to who may have stolen it.

"I have always kept my bong in my top dresser drawer", Obama told his security officers. "If I get it back within the next 24 hours there will be no questions asked. Otherwise, I am going to have to enforce disciplinary action".

Obama claims the last time he used the bong was during the Super Bowl. Senators Arlen Specter (R-Pa) and Bob Casey (D-Pa) attended the Super Bowl Party, along with representatives Charlie Dent (R-Pa.), Mike Doyle (D-Pa.), Patrick Murphy (D-Pa.), Trent Franks (R-Az.), and Raul Grijalva (D-Az.). Other attendees included Sens. Dick Durbin (D-Ill.) and Amy Klobuchar (D-Minn), Reps. Elijah Cummings (D-Md.), Artur Davis (D-Ala.), Rosa DeLauro (D-Ct.), Paul Hodes (D-NH), and Fred Upton (R-Mi.), and Delegate Eleanor Holmes-Norton, (D-DC) but they all denied any knowledge of the bongs whereabouts.

Amy Klobuchar clearly recalled everyone using the Presidential bong but she insisted it was sitting on the table when she left.

"But. Then again, I was pretty wasted when I left", she admitted.

The President claimed he returned the bong to his dresser drawer after the party. "I clearly recall taking the bong back to my room, cleaning it in the bathroom and returning it to its usual place", Obama stated.

White House housekeeping staff have been alerted that they will all be investigated and disciplinary actions may be forthcoming.

Oddly, the President claims that although the bong is missing, his stash of pure grade Afghani marijuana appears to be untouched.

"The only part missing in the two ounces or so we smoked during the game", Obama stated.

Obama told news reporters that it's not the intrinsic value of the bong so much as the sentimental value.

"That bong got me through college", Obama lamented.

*Update: No sooner was this story published than his 7-year-old daughter Sasha admitted she brought the bong to her class for show and tell. The bong has since been returned to the Presidential dresser.


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