October 26, 2009

The 5 Scariest Stoner Moments: BLHC Day 5

BLCH is the Baked Life Halloweed Countdown, only 5 days left.

TOP 5 Scariest Stoner Moments

5. Getting Lost High: Sometimes while driving around, cruising and smoking, you find yourself in unfamiliar territory. Your sense of direction, and problem solving are hampered by your stoned-ness. You are lost. Hopefully you're not in the woods, because then you're a sitting-duck to werewolves, and they will eat you.

This can be frightening, but you'll find your way home eventually. You just have to sit still and try not to panic; which is easier said than done sometimes.

A stoner in an unfamiliar neighborhood, or worse, shopping complex, is like being in open water with a life jacket. You can survive, but you're painfully aware that you aren't going anywhere.

4. Losing Your Weed (Dry Stash): Running out of weed is a terrible thing. It makes you wonder why you postponed that trip to pick up. Or maybe your supply was dry too. O the humanity. It's not quite as bad as zombies snatching at your skin, but it's undesirable.

Losing your weed is even worse. It always leads down one of three paths:

1) You wish you had paid more attention to it, or put somewhere safe before smoking those four and a half bowls.

2) You start looking at everyone as a potential thief, or as a group of conspirators. Then your girlfriend walks away after you try to catch her in the "I know you stole my weed" surprise trap, and she has no idea what you're talking about.

3) You begin to believe satanic leprechauns and/or gremlins are stealing your bud, and you arm yourself appropriately. (Psych Warning)

3. Getting Caught (Pulled Over!): Whether you're in your car after work, leaning out your open bedroom window, or sitting in the restroom on the train, and you hear a knock, and a voice saying, "We can smell what you're doing in there"; nobody likes to get caught with weed. It makes you feel like a kid, staring into the angry jaws of authority.

Getting pulled over takes it to another level. Californians might be able to shrug off the large fine, but elsewhere getting caught by the law can be serious. Especially if you get pulled over by Denzel Washington from Training Day, fatal

2. Getting Too High (Bad Trip): You know you're too high when you're afraid that you've taken control of your heartbeat, and become afraid you hold your life in your own hands. Or you could just be throwing up, either way you're out of control.

If you're camping with friends, this means you're the first to get gutted by the ax murderer. The three out twenty friends who actually survive will only have a year to thank you, because he'll be back next summer; and every summer after that until people stop watching shitty movies.

1. DCMP or Dangerous Confrontation with Mysterious Person: A DCMP is scary even when you're not high. It sucks to be in a dark alley, with one other person walking quickly at you. It might actually be a murderer.

You could get your soul stolen right there. What if it's one of those new ultra scary monsters that horror movies are telling us about. In that cases you can't even hope for a quick death. I hope you like the sight and taste of your own insides.

Runner Up Moment: Getting online and finding someone switched your home page from bakedlife.blogspot.com. Fucking evil gnomes and shit.

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