September 17, 2009
Stoner Couples - Marijuana, Dating, and Relationships
Relationships rarely make any sense, they're hard to find, keep, and even understand. Where, if anywhere does weed factor into the process. Is it easier for stoners to pair up with their own kind? No one wants a nagging "other", but should pot trump love.
For people who smoke on a regular basis, they're going to have some experience dealing with combining a relationship and their pot-lovin' lifestyle. Before we can even ask what's the difference between having a partner who smokes or one who doesn't, we have to ask whether it should matter whether they do or not. Though, if we are honest we must all say that it does.
No matter what, it's going to make any relationship easier if the two involved have common interests. This is even more of a reality with marijuana, for two reasons. Firstly some smokers use cannabis daily or more, but even if it was only a few times a week, it's still a substantial period of time you'd have to spend with your other "high" or you'd have to spend that time avoiding them. Which is a terrible alternative. Secondly, marijuana use is controversial and illegal in most places. Those are two realities that are going to predispose any non-smokers to view it as, at the very least, unwise, but probably also dangerous.
So assume you found someone who still likes you when your high, and is smart enough not to buy into all the negative press, does that mean it's not a problem maybe. There's still one more issue, how you feel about it. If you like the idea of being able to smoke with your other, then you might be frustrated with one who won't. Or you just might feel uncomfortable being high around them. That would affect your communication. If you choose to hide it from them, you'll find that your relationship can never reach it's full potential.
So that's most of the bad stuff, the reasons why smoking might get in the way of a regular relationship. So there has to be benefits right? Well actually not really. The reason isn't because pot is bad. It's because weed doesn't really have the power to change a relationship. I know that sounds like it contradicts all the statements earlier about how weed might get in the way of the relationship, but that's because it was never really the weed getting in the way.
In our personal relationships everything goes well until we pick something not to like about the other person. It might be something justifiable like they don't want kids and you do or they're dangerously violent. It can also be something that is thought of as a preference, like, they're not thoughtful enough, they don't have enough interests or ambition, or they smoke weed. What's going on isn't that these things are getting in the way of the relationship, it's that for whatever reason one or both of the people in the relationship is getting in the way of the relationship because they have decided not to love one or more parts or characteristics about the other person
So, yes it's true, you might find someone who you can't be with because you decide to smoke and they can't fully handle that. You might also find someone who you can smoke all the time with, then have the munchies with, then watch movie marathons with, and even have weed heightened conversations with (they might even gift you a few grams for Christmas). The actual health of relationship though, will depend on the two of you.
Each and every person has their own preferences, and you'd have to be incredible lucky or dominant to find a person to fit them. When we enter relationships, if we want to keep them alive we usually have to swap out preferences for our "other" for compromise and appreciation of who they already are. Communication will let you know who each of you truly is, and if you can handle that, trust will allow the two of you to be yourselves with and for each other. If you focus on that the weed won't matter.
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